This has been the worst weekend of my life. I have just lost my best friend to an act of senseless violence. I am so "ticked" I want to go and gain revenge on those you know whats. People keep telling me he is in a better place, that he has risen and is with God, that he is in heaven, and on and on. I remember all the things that we used to do together, like going fishing, or going for long walks and travelling with friends to different places. Now those times will never happen again. There is such an emptiness within me. How can I believe, how can I keep my faith in times like these. I know that you all say that in one way or another you have "seen" or "experienced" Jesus in a way so real that you just don't understand why people don't believe. Well I won't be pulled into your "sightings" or "experiences". I need to see Him for myself to actually believe. If I ever had any doubts before, they are now compounded by what has happened this weekend. As I write this I wonder if these would have been close to the words that the disciple Thomas would have expressed had he talked in more depth about John 20:24-25 where it says, Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.
Sometimes when we rewrite a verse of scripture it gives us a clearer picture of what others must have been experiencing at those times. I guess I picked Thomas to write about because of all the doubts I have been experiencing lately. Hope I did not go overboard on this blog. I am sure you will tell me though if I did, and I appreciate all your comments.
3 comments:
Mike, I am so sorry to hear of your loss! No! You did not go overboard - you are human, you have feelings and I believe most people suffer from some sort of doubt when horrible things happen - so i believe you are normal.
Just know that I will be praying that somehow, someway that you will see Jesus revealed in this situation and in many others!!!!!
And that you will find some peace in this difficult time.
Amanda
Maybe I did go to far. I did not lose a best friend. I was only rewriting a verse of scripture wondering what must have been going on in Thomas's head after Christ was crucified. Sometimes it gives a better perspective on what was happening at the time.
Sorry, maybe I should have clarified right from the start.
Hey, I loved the effect it had!!!!!! You didn't go too far.. you should have been a preacher.. OK... you SHOULD be our #! blog preacher.. obvious evidence that you SHOULD continue with this BLOG, Preacher Mike!!! WOW, made me think twice. We never really understand at times, just what the early followers were up against. We think we have it rough. We think this is the worst time in history. But taking from Charles Swindoll's book, Outrageous Joy, he makes the point that the world in Jesus' day had was suffering under Roman oppression. We have NO idea the fear that Christ-followers lived in.
So thanks for your excellent blog.
sr in r.i.
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