Good? Good enough? For......

That I would be good. How about Good enough?....good what...good friend? good worker? good husband? good person? good father? ...the list could go on and on. I have failed at all of these at some point. In fact, still failing on some if not most, as we speak. Really at another crossroad right now in my life, actually I am at a couple of them. Major ones? Yeah, some might say so! The ones I am thinking of, are big enough that it requires a big step to go and change them. You know those times when you start to think I can't do this anymore...I have reached the end of the rope or end of the line, in what I am doing and I need to change it. Do I really want to change it, or is it just a mood thing right now. I have lost the desire, not 100%, but certainly about 95%, therefore I feel it is necessary to change it, or change my attitude. I can't change what people think of me (based on whatever decision I make), whether they like me or hate me. I need to do what is right for me. For a long time I found I was very much the people pleasing person, still am, for the most part (believe it or not) too, but shit that really wears a person out. Eventually you have to say, NO. Not as easy as it sounds after saying yes for so long. The older you get the harder it is to change, change your way of thinking, change what you have always done, mostly out of habit, change yourself, change from the same routines and tasks that have been performed day after day. Again, this list could go on and on. Sometimes I think it would be just so much easier to start all over, somewhere else. No one knows you, you could be who you really are. It is not only hard to change from the same old same old for yourself, but for those around you who are seeing a change in you, and they don't like the new person you have become. Really it is still the same you, at least on the inside you know you have always had these thoughts but could never express them before because of personality (maybe shy or just not wanting to rock the boat, or afraid of what people will think, etc). One day, you just "wake up" and realize, why should I worry about what other people think of me or my beliefs. This is who I am and is a part of me. As for making the change mentioned at the beginning, well I am working on it. Hmmm I think. I am close to the point of reaching out for help....how close...Hmmm well I guess I am also at the point where I can just say Fuck it. Still patient, waiting to see what the weekend holds, maybe even next week, heck I think I can even wait until July....not sure I want to rush into any life changing decision here, so I need to take my time..............