Mid life Muddling

We have probably all heard the saying that "Life is a beach and then you drown" right? Toning it down just a little, but it still gets the point across. At work tonight I was thinking about all the stuff going on with me, not just mentally :), but also physically. Even before I took on this second job, I noticed how tired I have been getting. Usually I was able to stay up to watch Leno's monologue and the first guest, now I find myself falling asleep even before the monologue is done. Now I know what it is like to be a senior citizen ;) Joking aside, (again, that is the one thing that keeps me somewhat together lately - sense of humour) I thought how even this past week, even the past few weeks, I have been able to "deal with" the mid life crap...or at least to a point. One thing that has helped is going for coffee with someone who is probably going through similar crap. I knew I was not unique to the situation, in fact, there are many I know who have been through it and some who are going through it. Some have gone through it and *$&^$& up, others have gone through it and have not. No big deal. God still loves both the same. Some have had affairs, some have walked away from their marriages, some have worked at their marriage. Some, in fact, have stayed in their marriages, even though it is a $#&^%%^ one. Does God love the one more who stayed and worked at his marriage than any of the others? I don't think so. We all screw up somewhere...we just tend to draw a line in the sand that says as long as I don't cross it, I am okay. One may take drugs, one may drink to excess, some may have affairs, some may gossip, some may steal, the list goes on and on, and none are worse than another, fact is, sin is sin. We too often tend to think that because we only gossip and the other person takes drugs that he is much worse of a sinner than we are. I guess I find that through all this shit, that God is there, His grace is there, His love is there no matter what I do.
No, I am not saying shall we sin then so that grace may abound. I am saying that whenever we do screw up, God is there. I am not using this as a reason to go and do what I want and blame it on mid life...I know what I am doing even when I am going through all the stuff that seems to come. I know God will always be there, for me, for you, for everyone. The one thing I have been doing is finding out what others have done during their MLC (midlife crisis) and I eventually process it, store it in the cave until I find a use for it. In some ways, it helps me to think through some of the possibilities I have already thought through. In other ways, it just clouds the waters, because my mind is thinking, maybe I can get away with that. Still no answers, or at least really clear ones, but I have come to the conclusion that I need to look at all of this (MLC) in light of just myself, and make decisions based on myself...not on how others may feel if I do this or that, whether it makes them happy or disappointed, I don't really care. We will always disappoint people in little and big things, and we will also make people happy in big and little things. I need to make me happy. Surely God does not want us to be miserable. As awful as this sentence may sound.... "If I disappoint you in what I do, shame.... move on...get over it". Don't base your life on what I do or what I don't do. Base it on what you believe you need to do, or what God wants you to do. I know some of you care and that is all good. I care about you too. God cares too. Enjoy the life He gives you, note emphasis on ENJOY .