Thoughts that fill my head

Maybe it is no wonder that I think I am going crazy. I just spewed off a lot of the thoughts to someone, that I have been having over and over in my head for the last few days. Life is going so damn fast, no time to blink. Anyway, where to start. Well, lets start with God, because I know that He may be the one stirring up these ideas in my head to get me to think, then again, it could be just me and my mind wanting to know answers to all of this shit.

#1 - I was thinking that if I were a Christian (jury still out - mine anyway) should my life be like it is. In a nutshell... (lets call it the pursuit of the "Canadian dream) hmmmm...eat, sleep, shit, and work, and TV watching which probably fits in with shit anyways. Make money and still pursue things that are pointless. More on that later. That is my life, the simple life, or the useless life at least at this point. Then I was thinking... Do some (note some)other Christians live the same way. Same points that I listed as above, but they go to church. The point I am getting at is ....is this really what God intended for me or for others in this same boat. Is the Christian life as a simple as saying "the prayer" and then you are in. My belief is no. What follows "the prayer" (to me) is a life long commitment to God and His will for me. What is it? What is my "purpose"? I have no freaking clue. More to come. I am 100% sure though that it is not the way things are now. The Christian life is more than sleep, work and "fuck all" at night (Internet, watch TV, yard work, etc). Do we just happen to be more "blessed" in North America than the guy in India who believes what we do and is living in such horrible conditions??? Luke 12:48 says, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."



#2 - I thought about how when you have kids at home, your life revolves around them, not each other. Almost everything you do on weekends or weeknights revolves around your kids. They have hockey, basketball, piano, dance, soccer, baseball and just about every other thing that you can imagine. Seems to me like keeping them busy just to keep them out of trouble. This is all looking back thinking. As a kid growing up, I did a lot of these sports, but with other kids in the park, not an organized outing. My parents would have gone crazy trying to drive 8 kids to all the different events, let alone fork out hundreds of dollars for these events. Just as an aside, I wonder what changed that made us, as parents, feel the need to keep our kids so busy. Then when they leave the house, what a difference it makes, because what life used to revolve around, is no longer there. It really does change the whole dynamics. You go from busy busy busy to (in my case) laze around and do nothing. Just speaking toward my own perspective of the empty nest - 6 years later.


#3. While most of us would probably admit we would like to have more money, we probably do have more than enough for what we need. I was thinking of all the waste, as far as spending that is done. I will speak to my own spending on here. From a Christian perspective, how do I spend my money. We all have bills to pay and mortgage or rent due (those bills that everyone has) but how do I spend some of my "excess cash". I need new furniture or a new dishwasher. Do I really? The grass outside looks pretty brown, maybe I should waste money on watering it? It is only freaking grass, yet what a waste of money for something that does not matter in the list of "things that have meaning" category. I think of all that water wasted and the money spent, and then I thought of people living in countries where water is something they need to walk miles for. Something is really wrong with this picture.
I am pretty sure that God does not give a rip if I have green grass or the best of the best stuff.

Another influential media!!!

I don't tend to use the word dark very much to describe how things are going, I prefer to use words like "shitty", or "just plain lousy". I guess dark (to me)tends to describe the spiritual side, and I must admit that if I were talking about that it would be fucking black right now. The song above (My Immortal) talks to me about living within my head with myself! On the bright side (there is always a bright side - even for me - the realist), I am looking at help.

The other day I talked about how we are so influenced by our parents in what we believe or how we live, and even how we think.......we do the same now with the media. The media has probably more influence on us than probably most people we know. They tell us what to wear, how we should look, what we should eat (healthy or otherwise), what we should watch on TV or shouldn't watch for that matter. They slant their news stories to fit their beliefs (be it conservative or liberal) so as to influence us...and we are influenced by it, and believe it or not (going out on a limb here - won't be the last time either) we are sometimes more influenced by the media than the Bible. We say that we believe the Bible, what we should do and how we should live, what God said and what Jesus preached, but the more that society or the media tells us otherwise, we then become more culturally or ethically tolerable to things that the Bible would tell us otherwise. A lot of cities hold gay pride parades. Thirty years ago that would have been unheard of, but now, because of how the media has portrayed them lately or "promoted" them, you come across as anti-gay or homo-phobic if you even speak against them and what they do. Everyone should still be entitled to an opinion. The Bible speaks quite clearly on homosexuality, yet we have watered it down rather than take a stance.

A couple of days ago, the order of Canada was given to (abortionist) Henry Morgentaler. All thanks mostly to the media. So many other people who are so much more deserving, but the media focuses on ratings and promoting their slants and bias. After hearing the news of being recognized, Morgentaler said "(It's a) sign of recognition for all the work I've done over the years and the sacrifices I've made," Wow, he is not kidding. Isn't that an interesting word he chose, when he uses the word sacrifices!!! All those babies sacrificed for his recognition. Bastard. Oops...probably can't say that. Might be seen as Morgentaler-phobic, or politically incorrect, or maybe even the greatest media "sin" ... being intolerant!!!
FTBS

One small step, one big tumble.

Had lots of time to think this past weekend driving to Minneapolis, but it was a time of one step forward, two steps back....one questioned answered, two more questions asked. Did lots of thinking about God, religion, etc. Thought about how we are influenced by our upbringing about what we believe. Whether Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Mormon, Jew or Atheist....we are very much influenced by how our parents brought us up in that belief/surrounding. We don't (most of us) question what we believe at that point, some of us don't even question it now. We just assume that our parents are telling us that this is the truth and this is what you need to believe to be "a good person" in life or who/what you need to follow to get to heaven or the equivalent (depending on your faith or lack of). After all, surely our parents would not lie to us about something so important??? So as we grow up, we believe that our religion, or our God is "the one", and everyone elses belief system is wrong (probably even more so in the Christian faith because of the exclusivity of Christ - the only way). It is only recently for me, that I am questioning my faith to see if this is "for real", and not my daddy's faith. There is so much of what is in the Bible that requires faith. Not too much room for logic or reason if your thinking tends to take you along those lines. So many more questions that you once took for granted, but when you stop and think about them you wonder....do I really believe this stuff. Some of this stuff is pretty far fetched when you think about it (I guess this is where faith comes in). I remember watching an episode of All in the Family years ago and in one episode Archie Bunker describes faith as "...believing in something that nobody in his right mind would believe." Maybe I will look for a book and see how others answer these perplexing questions I have. Just wish I had done this (questioning of faith) when I was younger, but for the most part just glad to be doing it even now. Even at Bible College I was never challenged to think about what I believe, but to just have faith and God will show you. I am a realist and skeptic by nature, so that thinking just does not work for me, or, I suppose, it just makes it harder for me. Even in my experiences at church, I find I will listen (when I used to attend church) to what is being said, but never question what is being said or challenge it. I just assume the preacher is speaking and interpreting God's word to all who are there. I need to question these things.
Some of my latest "God Questions" (as I call them), are.....

Why create a people where at some point there is a possibility of hell at the end for some?

When I think of what I learned as a kid in Sunday School or in Bible College, I think there is a lot of really far fetched stuff to believe in, and I suppose not really much different than maybe some of the far fetched beliefs of other World Religions. I am not saying that I don't believe in what the Bible tells us, but am just saying there are lots of things that to me are really "off the wall". For instance, the virgin birth, the fact that God always was, the resurrection, heaven and hell, and the second coming.....just to name a few.

I have not abandoned the faith, just showing where I am struggling and questioning. I believe it is all part of all the other shit I am going through at this time. I wonder if my parents ever questioned what they believed, or did it just pass on down the line from their parents, etc etc etc......