Had a good weekend away this past weekend, visiting with some family and friends. Talked about a lot of the stuff I am going through and maybe even some of the "solutions" or possible steps to take to get things back together. Not thinking spiritually here, just life in general and all the other things that are going on with me. Was good to open up and be honest about what is really going on, and not giving a rip about whether or not it would change their opinion of me because of things I have thought about or stuff I am going through. I mean I certainly don't want people who are going to agree with me in what I do or think, but I sure as heck don't want the opposite where people don't like how I am these days because of what I have been thinking about. Over the next couple of weeks I will make some decisions on steps that I feel I need to take to get things back to Hmmmm "normal"...
or otherwise.
Thought some more about some of the things I have been experiencing that were mentioned in that article on ML:
Discontent with life and/or the lifestyle that may have provided happiness for many years.
Boredom with things/people that have hitherto held great interest and dominated your life
Feeling adventurous and wanting to do something completely different
Questioning the meaning of life, and the validity of decisions clearly and easily made years before
Confusion about who you are, or where your life is going.
When I re-read those 5 points over, they all tie together.
I am not suicidal. I was asked that lately if that was an option, and I am not at that point. I would more likely go and travel and live it up rather than take my own life. After all if I am "going to hell", well then lets eat, drink and etc.
Because I am discontent with life I am at the point where I want to be adventurous, and try a bunch of things that are very different. I guess that is why I am taking a p/t job, starting later this month so that I can save money to travel with. (I just thought...am I subconsciously making decisions already)
I feel it is definitely time to find a new f/t job, because I almost feel counterproductive doing what I am doing in the place I am doing it. I don't hate the church. I see the good that it does but because I am "not there", I almost feel uncomfortable being here. A job is a job...a change may be as good as a rest for me right now. I find it next to impossible to attend any of the staff meetings (so I haven't). Also, glad I have not yet been ordered to attend either :) It is much easier to just do work during that time then to pray. Those who can .....
I can really sense the confusion about who I am right now and wondering where my life is going. I really believe that this is not only Mid life, but also male menopause and possibly depression...I am sure they are all the same, just a different name. I should check out the symptoms of the latter two. I know that it still comes down to my choice as to where my life is going, and I have still not decided. All I know is it cannot stay the same for long or I will end up making a rash decision rather than a thought out "plan".
2 comments:
Sigh.....you sound as confussed as I do half the time !!!!
Depression has several signs:
Things that interested you before no longer do,
Have trouble sleeping even though you are dead tired,
Appetite either increases or decreases,
Feel tearful all the time over nothing,
Want to be alone.....
Some of the signs that I know of and if you suspect depression go to a doctor !!!! In fact maybe you should go to a doctor/therapist now BEFORE depression sets in !!!
It's not a pleasant place to be and on your own it's a hard place t leave !!!!
Debbie Riggien, South Africa
Thanks for the comment Debbie. I have been flipping/flopping the past week whether or not to go to the doctor.....still flipping and flopping. Will keep you updated.
Probably, of those you listed....emotions taking over...from extreme anger to very sad....no joy in between or very little I guess.
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