Thoughts - In sickness and in health...

Last week I experienced probably the worst sickness I have ever had or at least can remember. Except for a time when I was about 9 years old and had an appendicitis attack I have not experienced such pain as I did on Wednesday and Thursday of this past week. When we were were coming home from a visit in Manitoba on Sunday I was experiencing some leg cramps and back pain (back pain is definitely nothing new). I just thought it was due to all the sitting in the car over the last couple of days or sleeping in different beds. I went for a massage on Monday which seemed to help for the rest of the day and most of Tuesday but then I started to feel more "fluish". Chills and fever and a little bit of headaches started happening Tuesday. What followed were probably the two worst days for me as far as being sick. The only position I could manage without being in such immense pain was on my stomach, which was where I was, going from couch to bed even to the floor at times. I remember thinking on Wednesday morning if this were anything like the pain that my brother and sister experienced as they were battling cancer. I am sure I was in no where near the pain they were, but not having experienced anything like this before, I had nothing to compare it to. For those few days I had nothing to eat but a couple of bowls of soup and more juice than has probably ever entered my mouth in all my life. Funny how times like these make you think about life, pain and suffering etc...not just my own but others. Honestly, it made me think about assisted suicide. I have always been against the taking of a life, your own or someone elses. However, as I lay there in my state of pain, I did sympathise with those who have had thoughts of assisted suicide. There are millions of other people in this world who are experiencing high degree of pain everyday, and I am sure a number of them have had the thought of bringing the pain to a permanent end. For me, for even one brief moment, I thought death would be such a comfort right now if only to not have to experience this pain anymore. For me to have those thoughts, shows how much pain I was in. I still do not believe in taking ones own life for any reason....but I do understand why, at times, people are willing to take their lives when they are experiencing such pain and there is no relief in sight.