Did quite a bit of deep thinking or philosophizing (that's a big word for me) during that movie on the plane "The Big Year". As I watched I could not help but think of the meaning behind the movie (relationships). In the movie Steve Martin's character and Jack Black's character have to decide what is more important to them. For Steve it is either to bird watch or be at home more with his wife and new grandson, as well as leave a job that would pay him very well. With Jack's character he needs to decide whether to continue birding or spend time with his new girlfriend, and his parents. During their birding they decide to team up (friendship) and in the end they both choose what is more important (family, friends). While Owen Wilson's character leaves his wife at home to pursue his birding.
Now comes the deep *&$^. (that means stuff). In our marriages, probably more often than not, we tend to lean more to ourselves or things we want to do or what we can get, rather than what our spouse wants (usually this comes more after several years of marriage). You get tired of same old and decide to do something you want to do (nothing wrong with that), but then it becomes our passion rather than what we have (marriage). I find it is easier for me to say this stuff because now I am suddenly single and have experienced a very good marriage (not at all perfect, after all she was married to me). So I can look back and say, I should have done this, I could have said that, but I didn't. I cannot change that but it does not mean those times of regret will not come back to remind me what I could or should have done and said. However, it does do two things when I get hit with the shoulda coulda woulda's.
1. I need to reconcile in some way to myself when those regrets comes. I need to tell myself that, yes, Marlene would have forgiven me for all those things that come to mind and how I could have made our marriage even better. I can't go back and change what I did or didn't do, but I can move on to #2.
2. I can make those differences in future relationships, whether with "my new spouse someday" or with friends and family that I have now.
It is not that I want to fix every one's relationship (that is not my forte at all), but my wish/hope is to get people to think about what they have, and do they want it badly enough to work at it to make it great, not bearable, but great. If not, then why do we stay in those relationships. They will not improve on their own, or if just one person is working at it. The older we get the harder it is to change what we have done for so long, and the longer we wait the more things becomes just old habit or "same old shit", and do we really want that?
I think of a lot of couple's that Marlene knew and who maybe were touched or in some way impacted by her and then later by her death. I know I was. I think that initially it is a wake up call for how we should wake up because it could have easily been someone else (and yes I wanted so much for it to be me rather than her), but as time passes, we quickly forget that wake up call and go back to doing exactly what we did before it slapped us in the face....maybe thinking," I am going to change ", at first, which later becomes, I can change later, I still have time.
