The Big Year

Did quite a bit of deep thinking or philosophizing (that's a big word for me) during that movie on the plane "The Big Year". As I watched I could not help but think of the meaning behind the movie (relationships). In the movie Steve Martin's character and Jack Black's character have to decide what is more important to them. For Steve it is either to bird watch or be at home more with his wife and new grandson, as well as leave a job that would pay him very well. With Jack's character he needs to decide whether to continue birding or spend time with his new girlfriend, and his parents. During their birding they decide to team up (friendship) and in the end they both choose what is more important (family, friends). While Owen Wilson's character leaves his wife at home to pursue his birding.

Now comes the deep *&$^. (that means stuff). In our marriages, probably more often than not, we tend to lean more to ourselves or things we want to do or what we can get, rather than what our spouse wants (usually this comes more after several years of marriage). You get tired of same old and decide to do something you want to do (nothing wrong with that), but then it becomes our passion rather than what we have (marriage). I find it is easier for me to say this stuff because now I am suddenly single and have experienced a very good marriage (not at all perfect, after all she was married to me). So I can look back and say, I should have done this, I could have said that, but I didn't. I cannot change that but it does not mean those times of regret will not come back to remind me what I could or should have done and said. However, it does do two things when I get hit with the shoulda coulda woulda's.

1. I need to reconcile in some way to myself when those regrets comes. I need to tell myself that, yes, Marlene would have forgiven me for all those things that come to mind and how I could have made our marriage even better. I can't go back and change what I did or didn't do, but I can move on to #2.
2. I can make those differences in future relationships, whether with "my new spouse someday" or with friends and family that I have now.

It is not that I want to fix every one's relationship (that is not my forte at all), but my wish/hope is to get people to think about what they have, and do they want it badly enough to work at it to make it great, not bearable, but great. If not, then why do we stay in those relationships. They will not improve on their own, or if just one person is working at it. The older we get the harder it is to change what we have done for so long, and the longer we wait the more things becomes just old habit or "same old shit", and do we really want that?

I think of a lot of couple's that Marlene knew and who maybe were touched or in some way impacted by her and then later by her death. I know I was. I think that initially it is a wake up call for how we should wake up because it could have easily been someone else (and yes I wanted so much for it to be me rather than her), but as time passes, we quickly forget that wake up call and go back to doing exactly what we did before it slapped us in the face....maybe thinking," I am going to change ", at first, which later becomes, I can change later, I still have time.

Remembering Marlene

It has been three months since Marlene passed away, and while I have wanted to journal on what happened and what has happened since I have just not taken the time to do so. I know I will not forget the many memories together over the 30 years that we knew each other. We met in 1980 (at my parents house - she went to school with my sister), she was 16 and just finishing grade 10 and I was 21 working out of town. After dating for just over a year, I proposed to her when she was just 17 and still in school and in March 1983 we were married. In February of 1984 Chris was born, and at that point our lives would never be the same, changed for the better in 1983 when we got married and then changed for the best in 1984. In 1985 our lives would change again when we both accepted Christ as saviour and Lord.
We often wondered why we never had another child, could be that God felt that one was all we needed, and he has been all we have asked for.
Marlene, if you knew her, was one of the nicest, kindest, caring, loving (I could go on but you get the picture) people in the world (reminds me a lot of what my dad was like - same characteristics). I had hit the jackpot with her, which made it all the harder to lose her last year. I have said since that day, that you really don't know what you have until it is gone. You begin to realize all that person was not only to you but to people she worked with and met her and the impact she had on them even if she had only met them briefly. You wish for one more day with her, knowing full well that life does not work that way. You think of the things you would do, say, or the things you would change, but also aware you won't get that chance. It does make you think though, that with the relationships you have or will have in the future to do and say those things with others and not live with regret afterward.
If you are reading this blog and you are married, hug your spouse, love your spouse, tell them you love them. Change things up, don't let life get in a rut where you have dug in so deep that it is too late to get out of. Don't say hurtful things. Love and communication are the keys to a happy marriage. If you don't have them for your spouse, why are you married? I guess that is my pet peeve, not understanding how relationships go so sour where people almost despise the person they are married to, and yet still stay married, and are not willing to make things better. Life is too short, get over yourself. Bitterness never wins friends. I would have made a very poor pastor with counseling like that, but that is how I feel.
If you have kids, hug your kids, I don't care how old they are. Let them know you love them in what you say and in how you treat them. There is nothing more disappointing then seeing parents calling their kids names ...and then we wonder why some people turn out like they do.

To be continued.....

Highway 20 Ride?

Often times when I am driving, whether out on the highway or driving here in Steinbach, I continually observe people as they are driving or walking etc. I find myself looking at them and asking myself "What drives them?" "What do they see as meaningful or purposeful in life?" So often I imagine us all as sheep, wandering around, nowhere to go, (or more likely anywhere that we can go to or even do). There are a million things we can do but we (or me) usually choose the things that either benefit us. It is very difficult to break the habit of what we always have done. I could substitute the word sin for habit, and in some cases it may apply. It is just so much easier to do what I have always do then to venture out and do something totally different....especially something that is right.

It seems that when I blog I love to post a video to go along with it. Highway 20 Ride is a Zach Brown Band song that talks about a break up of husband and wife early in their marriage and the father had to drive every other weekend to visit his son down Highway 20. He wishes it did not have to be that way...to make the drive...but there was no other way to work it out. So he drives......

I guess there are things in our lives that we have no choice ...but to do some things, in order to achieve what is important to us ... but to make that drive, or to do those things that we need to in order to get or maintain that something that has become so dear to us. In a marriage, there are times we "give in" on an issue because we want to either keep the relationship in good standing or simply don't want to rock the boat. There are some issues that really don't matter or are not worth rocking the boat on .... so we compromise, in order to keep things "happy" in the marriage. It is not just in our marriage that we "give in" in order to keep the things we hold dear...it can apply to anything and all things that we hold in high regard and would not give up for anything. Some of them are irrelevant and some of them are meaningful...

It is always easy to judge someone elses irrelevant as meaningful and vice versa until we really look deeply at our own....and that is where I am now.
I heard a quote the other day which I remember hearing about 20 years ago about judging others.....The quote goes "For every finger you point at someone else, there are two fingers pointing back at you".

I guess the reason I put videos in my blog is I think that when my time comes and I am standing before God, my life will be there on video. The good the bad and the ugly....hoping that in the end in spite of all I have done and said that He will say...well done good and faithful servant.

The Walk

In this life we are all on a journey or a walk. Maybe a journey toward a goal, sometimes it is a journey to get away. The video above by Sawyer Brown talks about a walk in the singers life at different stages.......first day of school, turning 18 and then being drafted to serve in the army, and then a time where his father is in need of being in a care home. There are so many other walks that we take in this life including a spiritual walk. A walk with God. I know I can say that my walk with God has changed so much over the last 25 years. A walk at times that seemed so close (especially the first couple of years) to a time where the walk is probably at a point at this time that I would describe like a friendship where you meet someone, and then meet them again.....only it has been 5 years down the road. You start over (to a point) getting to know them again, but before too long it is at the point where it has been awhile since you have seen or heard from them. What happened? I decided I needed some "other friends" that I could spend time with. You may know the ones....the ones that keep us from the friends who keep us on the straight and narrow. The ones that we have a great time with at the time and then regret or perhaps regret what happened. The line in the song "I took this walk you're walking now boy, I've been in your shoes" certainly applies to my life. It is always hard to take the advice of someone, even when you know what they are saying makes perfect sense. You are too busy enjoying the company of the "fun" friends, and the possibility of meeting even more good time friends.

Do you believe?

Commercials are all over the TV lately with athletes asking "Do you believe". Not asking about your faith in a higher being, but whether we believe that they can perform well in the upcoming 2010 Olympics. I think to myself, I don't really care.... not because I don't love sports, I do. But my problem is it is just a sport, and I think we put way too much emphasis on things in life that don't matter. For instance, Leno vrs Conan, Tiger and Elin, or John and Kate, or who will win the Superbowl. I mean really, who cares....after all none of those previously mentioned things don't mean $#!% to me nor should they affect me. There are way too many things more important that that crap.... yet we seem to get caught up in it because that is all everyone else is talking about.

So back to the question at hand....Do I believe? Hmmmm,,,,, Over the past several months I often ask and think to myself "What do I really believe?" I say (with ease) I believe in God creator of the world and in Jesus Christ his only Son. I can say that, but a lot of the times what I do and what I think do not go hand in hand with what I say. Which makes me wonder if I really do believe what I say I do. If I did believe what I say I do, would I not live according to that. Then I started thinking, if I don't believe what I say I do, then why am I living like I am. Let me explain. If I do not (or if you do not) believe in God and Jesus Christ then why are you living like you do/should. Why try to do good, why bother helping your fellow man if all you believe is that you live, pay your taxes and die. Shouldn't I/you party all the time and do whatever because in the "scheme" of life, it does not matter because there is no heaven or hell that we are trying to get into our stay out of.
What got me thinking about this was observing others (friends, strangers, acquaintances) and how they lived, talked etc. Then I started the comparison test. You know the one ..... comparing them to me. For the most part people were a lot like me. Some were much nicer, thoughtful, caring, loving etc. Some were just plain &&$*^( .... let's say mean (all that matters is what I think - I am sure you know people like that). None of these people had or have a faith in God ...... so what makes them live as they do. Likely how they were brought up, and how society and the media tell you how you should live. But if you have no belief in an afterlife why would you live a life that society shows us as a way to live. All that to say I am just beginning to question things again.

Sounds like life to me

Do you ever get tired of "those" people who seem to wine and complain about everything. We all complain once in awhile, but there are those who will always see the negative side of every situation. On facebook, there are friends who in their status post how their marriage sucks or how their kids never listen or how they have the worst job (yeah I know, sounds like my status). I guess I have come to believe that, "Hey, this is life". It is not a fantasy, if it were we would never have the problems we do, but real life is full of bad times, good times and just plain old 'same old same' times. Besides, if life were like that (fantasy) we wouldn't need Visa :)

The chorus in the video "Sounds like life to me" says....

Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me.

So next time you are experiencing those minor issues in life, suck it up buttercup, and enjoy the journey.

God: The Gardener - New Year Ahead

Today at work while waiting in a truck for one of my co-workers I was looking at a bunch of trees that had been pruned by some of the people I work with at the warehouse. Then it came from out of nowhere (as God often speaks to me - but rarely do I listen so intently) the verse in John where it talks about God being the gardener of all of his vineyard (paraphrasing here). It seemed in just a split second I was given a sermon on that verse. Many people love to garden and do things in their yards to make it look just right and to have the fruits and veggies of their labour be the best that they can be. They water, weed, prune, etc... whatever else garden people do. You can tell I am not a gardener. It is not my forte, but that is....okay digressing again. While the gardener tries to do all he can to get his garden in tip top shape, God does the same with us. In the verse (John 15:1-5) God is the gardener and we are the tree. Picture yourself as a tree.... a human tree with many many branches....on each of these branches are characteristics of who we are and what we do ... not only the really good stuff we do and are, but also the really bad and terrible stuff inside of us ... some of the really bad things are represented by those branches that are withering and dying. The really beautiful branches full of leaves and fruit are the ones that showcase our love, our obedience,
and all of the things that we do to the glory of God. The dead branches that our dragging us down are made known to us by the Holy Spirit. He reveals to us the things that we do that are keeping these beautiful branches from growing even more, and from more sprouts and offshoots of the good things that we already showcase to also become branches and then later become fruit, which is what God is looking for.
Many of us know some of the things that we do that are referred to here as the dead wood, but it is not until the Spirit reveals to us that we need to decide to let Him prune these branches off. He is not going to cut them off without our first asking Him to cut them off and help us so that they do not grow again. The longer we wait to acknowledge our need to cut off these areas in our life that need attention, the longer we will be dragging around dead wood, day after day. Better to be pruned often then eventually cut off at the root.

One of my resolutions for 2010 is to let God get the pruning shears and cut off some of the dead wood hanging off me. Stay tuned for an update in 365 days.