What you see, is not necessarily what you get!

As you can see I have posted two pictures in this blog entry, both taken less than 30 seconds apart and the first picture very much included in the second picture. If you look at the first one of the grass you would think that possibly I just took a picture by mistake as the camera was pointed down, however there is a purpose to this picture of grass. As I was in church this am I thought about how we (people in general) portray themselves to everyone else. If I sent you the above picture you would likely assume something like "Wow that is pretty amazing that there is no snow in Saskatchewan in mid March." However if I send you the below picture also you might think, "You were trying to trick me by sending only the first picture". 

We tend to be like this....maybe not intentionally tricking someone but only letting people see a small portion of who we really are, because if they saw all of us and what is really inside we might not have many friends. 

Take this as a reminder that what we see in people on the outside is very likely not everything they are on the inside. It is kind of sad that we can be more open with people we have never met than with people we have known a lifetime.

Really!!! That Matters!!!

Lately I have spent a lot of time thinking about the things we do and talk about, that, when you think about it, are so trivial and meaningless it makes me think we are no different than the Old Testament people of Israel who made their own gods to worship instead of God. A few things come to mind, and likely a few more will by the time I have finished this post...such as standing in line to be the first to watch the latest movie (and that gets you what?), or the way we pride ourselves in cheering for our sports team (sports has become such a big part of people's lives that God has been demoted to "when I have time"). We are now afraid to stand up for God for fear of being thought of as a self righteous looney. Christians are no longer respected for what they believe in. While most people are okay that we have an opinion, they do not want to hear us say "the Bible says".

I could state an opinion to someone and say that I think homosexuality is wrong, but if I back it up with the Bible they see you as homophobic or racist. Nowadays, it is better to be seen as a person who saves the dogs or animals (really, its an animal), we don't need people to be saved, as people are seen as capable of saving themselves (not in the spiritual sense) We have moved to the extreme of giving animals more rights than people. I am not an animal hater or lover, to me it is an animal, and in no way even compares to the worst of people.
It is not up to me to save the world, that is God's responsibility, mine is to be obedient. Sometimes it feels I just need to vent, and this blog/journal seems the perfect place for it.

Time with God

An area where I have wanted to grow in my spiritual life is spending time with God and prayer time. I have never been good in this area, certainly one of my weak points in my walk. It has been only recently that I have felt God's calling me to spend more time with Him. My prayer time with God would often consist of praying for others, or maybe things I needed, but never really "felt" like it was doing anything in my life. It was a rare occasion when I can actually say, "God spoke to me during that prayer time and said...". More often than not I wanted to hear Him say something, but as I look back it was more likely me thinking something that I hoped God was telling me. There have been a couple of occasions in the last two months where God has spoken to me. In late January I applied for a job that had become available, and thought I would love to work there even though it would involve a move more than 6 hours away. I emailed my son the next day and told him that I had applied for the job. He called that night and told me of their plans to move back to Winnipeg in the spring of 2015. I then thought, "How can I move to take up a job and be 6 hours away from him and his wife and soon to be born baby". The next day I emailed my son back and said I have decided to withdraw my resume from the position, hoping I would find something closer and not have to make the bigger move. I woke early the next morning (nothing new there) with a strong sense of God saying, "Do not withdraw your resume until the date for the job posting comes due". I prayed that God would make me more content with the job that I had, but over the next two weeks I was more and more discontent with my job. I knew then that God wanted me to let my resume stand for the position and knew that if God wanted me to move then I would get the job. By the end of February I was offered the job and received all that I had hoped for that came with it. This past week God spoke to me again, in the middle of the night. I wake up in bed quite a bit during my sleep, tossing and turning before deciding whether or not to get out of bed, even if it 3:00. I woke up and was thinking about prayer, about when our home here would sell and where we would live next. The thought of fasting came to mind,(something I have not done more than once in the last 30 years) so I brushed it off for a few minutes as I thought about all that needed to happen in the next few days before starting the new job. Again, the thought of fasting came, and this time I paid attention and prayed that "If you want me to fast, let the word fast be in my reading today". I have been reading the Daily Bible, reading the Bible through in one year. Today's reading included Psalm 109, and near the end of today's reading was the word fasting. I have to tell you, I was hoping it was not there, because I enjoying eating. I knew that God wanted me to fast, I did not know why, but I fasted, and prayed, and read that day. The house is still for sale, and there are still lots of family and friends who do not know Christ, but it was that step of obedience I took, moving in the direction God wants me to be.

Back in Regina again

It has been a couple of years since my last blog post, and I thought what better time to start than now. A couple of weeks ago I finished my job at Niverville Collegiate, and while I do not miss the job I do miss many of the staff that I worked with and for, and I will not forget them. So much has happened in the last 5 years since we moved from Regina to Steinbach. The two life changing events were the passing of my first wife Marlene in 2011 and getting married to Carmen in 2013. I have grown spiritually in these last 5 years and even wiser, although I still can be a pain in the neck at times ;) (another of my endearing qualities) :0 This Monday I am starting at a job I had 5 years ago, working as Custodian at Living Hope Alliance Church, and I am looking forward to it, as I know it will be challenging and I am also looking forward to working with some of the same people that were there when I left. Today I am feeling the challenge of having a home that is still for sale in Niverville and finding a place where we will likely spend the next ten years. We have one in mind that if all goes well, we hope to have an offer in this week. While I may not blog daily come along for the ride. Look forward to your comments and questions.

The Big Year

Did quite a bit of deep thinking or philosophizing (that's a big word for me) during that movie on the plane "The Big Year". As I watched I could not help but think of the meaning behind the movie (relationships). In the movie Steve Martin's character and Jack Black's character have to decide what is more important to them. For Steve it is either to bird watch or be at home more with his wife and new grandson, as well as leave a job that would pay him very well. With Jack's character he needs to decide whether to continue birding or spend time with his new girlfriend, and his parents. During their birding they decide to team up (friendship) and in the end they both choose what is more important (family, friends). While Owen Wilson's character leaves his wife at home to pursue his birding.

Now comes the deep *&$^. (that means stuff). In our marriages, probably more often than not, we tend to lean more to ourselves or things we want to do or what we can get, rather than what our spouse wants (usually this comes more after several years of marriage). You get tired of same old and decide to do something you want to do (nothing wrong with that), but then it becomes our passion rather than what we have (marriage). I find it is easier for me to say this stuff because now I am suddenly single and have experienced a very good marriage (not at all perfect, after all she was married to me). So I can look back and say, I should have done this, I could have said that, but I didn't. I cannot change that but it does not mean those times of regret will not come back to remind me what I could or should have done and said. However, it does do two things when I get hit with the shoulda coulda woulda's.

1. I need to reconcile in some way to myself when those regrets comes. I need to tell myself that, yes, Marlene would have forgiven me for all those things that come to mind and how I could have made our marriage even better. I can't go back and change what I did or didn't do, but I can move on to #2.
2. I can make those differences in future relationships, whether with "my new spouse someday" or with friends and family that I have now.

It is not that I want to fix every one's relationship (that is not my forte at all), but my wish/hope is to get people to think about what they have, and do they want it badly enough to work at it to make it great, not bearable, but great. If not, then why do we stay in those relationships. They will not improve on their own, or if just one person is working at it. The older we get the harder it is to change what we have done for so long, and the longer we wait the more things becomes just old habit or "same old shit", and do we really want that?

I think of a lot of couple's that Marlene knew and who maybe were touched or in some way impacted by her and then later by her death. I know I was. I think that initially it is a wake up call for how we should wake up because it could have easily been someone else (and yes I wanted so much for it to be me rather than her), but as time passes, we quickly forget that wake up call and go back to doing exactly what we did before it slapped us in the face....maybe thinking," I am going to change ", at first, which later becomes, I can change later, I still have time.

Remembering Marlene

It has been three months since Marlene passed away, and while I have wanted to journal on what happened and what has happened since I have just not taken the time to do so. I know I will not forget the many memories together over the 30 years that we knew each other. We met in 1980 (at my parents house - she went to school with my sister), she was 16 and just finishing grade 10 and I was 21 working out of town. After dating for just over a year, I proposed to her when she was just 17 and still in school and in March 1983 we were married. In February of 1984 Chris was born, and at that point our lives would never be the same, changed for the better in 1983 when we got married and then changed for the best in 1984. In 1985 our lives would change again when we both accepted Christ as saviour and Lord.
We often wondered why we never had another child, could be that God felt that one was all we needed, and he has been all we have asked for.
Marlene, if you knew her, was one of the nicest, kindest, caring, loving (I could go on but you get the picture) people in the world (reminds me a lot of what my dad was like - same characteristics). I had hit the jackpot with her, which made it all the harder to lose her last year. I have said since that day, that you really don't know what you have until it is gone. You begin to realize all that person was not only to you but to people she worked with and met her and the impact she had on them even if she had only met them briefly. You wish for one more day with her, knowing full well that life does not work that way. You think of the things you would do, say, or the things you would change, but also aware you won't get that chance. It does make you think though, that with the relationships you have or will have in the future to do and say those things with others and not live with regret afterward.
If you are reading this blog and you are married, hug your spouse, love your spouse, tell them you love them. Change things up, don't let life get in a rut where you have dug in so deep that it is too late to get out of. Don't say hurtful things. Love and communication are the keys to a happy marriage. If you don't have them for your spouse, why are you married? I guess that is my pet peeve, not understanding how relationships go so sour where people almost despise the person they are married to, and yet still stay married, and are not willing to make things better. Life is too short, get over yourself. Bitterness never wins friends. I would have made a very poor pastor with counseling like that, but that is how I feel.
If you have kids, hug your kids, I don't care how old they are. Let them know you love them in what you say and in how you treat them. There is nothing more disappointing then seeing parents calling their kids names ...and then we wonder why some people turn out like they do.

To be continued.....

Highway 20 Ride?

Often times when I am driving, whether out on the highway or driving here in Steinbach, I continually observe people as they are driving or walking etc. I find myself looking at them and asking myself "What drives them?" "What do they see as meaningful or purposeful in life?" So often I imagine us all as sheep, wandering around, nowhere to go, (or more likely anywhere that we can go to or even do). There are a million things we can do but we (or me) usually choose the things that either benefit us. It is very difficult to break the habit of what we always have done. I could substitute the word sin for habit, and in some cases it may apply. It is just so much easier to do what I have always do then to venture out and do something totally different....especially something that is right.

It seems that when I blog I love to post a video to go along with it. Highway 20 Ride is a Zach Brown Band song that talks about a break up of husband and wife early in their marriage and the father had to drive every other weekend to visit his son down Highway 20. He wishes it did not have to be that way...to make the drive...but there was no other way to work it out. So he drives......

I guess there are things in our lives that we have no choice ...but to do some things, in order to achieve what is important to us ... but to make that drive, or to do those things that we need to in order to get or maintain that something that has become so dear to us. In a marriage, there are times we "give in" on an issue because we want to either keep the relationship in good standing or simply don't want to rock the boat. There are some issues that really don't matter or are not worth rocking the boat on .... so we compromise, in order to keep things "happy" in the marriage. It is not just in our marriage that we "give in" in order to keep the things we hold dear...it can apply to anything and all things that we hold in high regard and would not give up for anything. Some of them are irrelevant and some of them are meaningful...

It is always easy to judge someone elses irrelevant as meaningful and vice versa until we really look deeply at our own....and that is where I am now.
I heard a quote the other day which I remember hearing about 20 years ago about judging others.....The quote goes "For every finger you point at someone else, there are two fingers pointing back at you".

I guess the reason I put videos in my blog is I think that when my time comes and I am standing before God, my life will be there on video. The good the bad and the ugly....hoping that in the end in spite of all I have done and said that He will say...well done good and faithful servant.