Remembering

Was good to remember the memories of John today, and this song brought back a lot of those memories. Wondering where John is right now and thinking of how much pain he was going through for his last few months of his life, especially at the end of it. No easy way to say that suffering is such a horrible thing to watch,I can't imagine the pain he went through. Knowing that he is not suffering does bring comfort, but knowing he is no longer here still brings sadness. Life does go on, and while you don't get "over it", you do adjust. I think all of this reminiscing brings the healing I need to adjust.

Love: It's something that we do.

The words to the song are below. So much of our daily routine deals with relationships with everyone we meet. Whether we know the person well or if it is someone we meet for the first time, how we love should be the same for all (at least that is what I get from reading the Bible). It is not that way at all. It is hard enough to love people I know very well, let alone the strange I see on a daily basis.
The song and the words are just a reminder to me that I am called to love everyone.
Definitely need to work on this, especially with those I know.





I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
I still believe the words we said
Forever will ring true
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't something that we find
It's something that we do
It's holding tight, lettin' go
It's flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness, too
It's a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't something that we have
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
It gives me heart remembering how
We started with a simple vow
There's so much to look back on now
Still it feels brand-new
We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just something that we're in
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
Love is why I love this song
And I hope you love it too
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's something that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do

Depression! Grieving! Growing!

It is sometimes nice to reminisce about how things were when I was growing up and the good times in what seems now like a carefree world. Not that I want to live in the past, because that does not do a whole lot of good for anyone. Today I went to Moose Jaw to talk to someone about all the stuff I am going through and dealing with. Depression may not be the problem, but something else. The grieving process may not be over yet, so it is something that I need to deal with. Probably not the cause of all my problems, but possibly a start in the right direction. Time will tell. They say time heals all wounds, but they also say time wounds all heals ;) So the quicker I start the better. The videos posted above (Tribute and That used to be us) tend to help in that direction of grieving as well as remembering. There is a lot more stuff I am working through, but more on that some other time.

Satan's Meeting

Satan's meeting (read even if you're busy)


Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church." "We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth." "We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their savior." "Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken."

"So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, but steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ." "This is what I want you to do", said the devil:

"Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.

"Keep them busy in the non essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.

"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow."

"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles."

"Keep them from spending time with their children." "As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"

"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice." "Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive." "To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical
music constantly." "This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."

"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers." "Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day." "Invade their driving moments with billboards." "Flood their mail boxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs,
sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products , services and false hopes."

"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives." "Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night." "Give them headaches too!" "If they don't give their
husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere." "That will
fragment their families quickly!"

"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas." "Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death."

"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive." "Have them return from their recreation exhausted." "Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation." "Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead." "Keep them busy, busy, busy!"

"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences."

"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus." "Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause." "It will work!"
"It will work!"

It was quite a plan! The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get more busy and more rushed, going here and there. Having little time for their God or their families. Having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives.

I guess the question is, has the devil been successful at his scheme?

You be the judge! Does "busy" mean:
B-eing
U-nder
S-atan's
Y-oke?

Thoughts that fill my head

Maybe it is no wonder that I think I am going crazy. I just spewed off a lot of the thoughts to someone, that I have been having over and over in my head for the last few days. Life is going so damn fast, no time to blink. Anyway, where to start. Well, lets start with God, because I know that He may be the one stirring up these ideas in my head to get me to think, then again, it could be just me and my mind wanting to know answers to all of this shit.

#1 - I was thinking that if I were a Christian (jury still out - mine anyway) should my life be like it is. In a nutshell... (lets call it the pursuit of the "Canadian dream) hmmmm...eat, sleep, shit, and work, and TV watching which probably fits in with shit anyways. Make money and still pursue things that are pointless. More on that later. That is my life, the simple life, or the useless life at least at this point. Then I was thinking... Do some (note some)other Christians live the same way. Same points that I listed as above, but they go to church. The point I am getting at is ....is this really what God intended for me or for others in this same boat. Is the Christian life as a simple as saying "the prayer" and then you are in. My belief is no. What follows "the prayer" (to me) is a life long commitment to God and His will for me. What is it? What is my "purpose"? I have no freaking clue. More to come. I am 100% sure though that it is not the way things are now. The Christian life is more than sleep, work and "fuck all" at night (Internet, watch TV, yard work, etc). Do we just happen to be more "blessed" in North America than the guy in India who believes what we do and is living in such horrible conditions??? Luke 12:48 says, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."



#2 - I thought about how when you have kids at home, your life revolves around them, not each other. Almost everything you do on weekends or weeknights revolves around your kids. They have hockey, basketball, piano, dance, soccer, baseball and just about every other thing that you can imagine. Seems to me like keeping them busy just to keep them out of trouble. This is all looking back thinking. As a kid growing up, I did a lot of these sports, but with other kids in the park, not an organized outing. My parents would have gone crazy trying to drive 8 kids to all the different events, let alone fork out hundreds of dollars for these events. Just as an aside, I wonder what changed that made us, as parents, feel the need to keep our kids so busy. Then when they leave the house, what a difference it makes, because what life used to revolve around, is no longer there. It really does change the whole dynamics. You go from busy busy busy to (in my case) laze around and do nothing. Just speaking toward my own perspective of the empty nest - 6 years later.


#3. While most of us would probably admit we would like to have more money, we probably do have more than enough for what we need. I was thinking of all the waste, as far as spending that is done. I will speak to my own spending on here. From a Christian perspective, how do I spend my money. We all have bills to pay and mortgage or rent due (those bills that everyone has) but how do I spend some of my "excess cash". I need new furniture or a new dishwasher. Do I really? The grass outside looks pretty brown, maybe I should waste money on watering it? It is only freaking grass, yet what a waste of money for something that does not matter in the list of "things that have meaning" category. I think of all that water wasted and the money spent, and then I thought of people living in countries where water is something they need to walk miles for. Something is really wrong with this picture.
I am pretty sure that God does not give a rip if I have green grass or the best of the best stuff.

Another influential media!!!

I don't tend to use the word dark very much to describe how things are going, I prefer to use words like "shitty", or "just plain lousy". I guess dark (to me)tends to describe the spiritual side, and I must admit that if I were talking about that it would be fucking black right now. The song above (My Immortal) talks to me about living within my head with myself! On the bright side (there is always a bright side - even for me - the realist), I am looking at help.

The other day I talked about how we are so influenced by our parents in what we believe or how we live, and even how we think.......we do the same now with the media. The media has probably more influence on us than probably most people we know. They tell us what to wear, how we should look, what we should eat (healthy or otherwise), what we should watch on TV or shouldn't watch for that matter. They slant their news stories to fit their beliefs (be it conservative or liberal) so as to influence us...and we are influenced by it, and believe it or not (going out on a limb here - won't be the last time either) we are sometimes more influenced by the media than the Bible. We say that we believe the Bible, what we should do and how we should live, what God said and what Jesus preached, but the more that society or the media tells us otherwise, we then become more culturally or ethically tolerable to things that the Bible would tell us otherwise. A lot of cities hold gay pride parades. Thirty years ago that would have been unheard of, but now, because of how the media has portrayed them lately or "promoted" them, you come across as anti-gay or homo-phobic if you even speak against them and what they do. Everyone should still be entitled to an opinion. The Bible speaks quite clearly on homosexuality, yet we have watered it down rather than take a stance.

A couple of days ago, the order of Canada was given to (abortionist) Henry Morgentaler. All thanks mostly to the media. So many other people who are so much more deserving, but the media focuses on ratings and promoting their slants and bias. After hearing the news of being recognized, Morgentaler said "(It's a) sign of recognition for all the work I've done over the years and the sacrifices I've made," Wow, he is not kidding. Isn't that an interesting word he chose, when he uses the word sacrifices!!! All those babies sacrificed for his recognition. Bastard. Oops...probably can't say that. Might be seen as Morgentaler-phobic, or politically incorrect, or maybe even the greatest media "sin" ... being intolerant!!!
FTBS

One small step, one big tumble.

Had lots of time to think this past weekend driving to Minneapolis, but it was a time of one step forward, two steps back....one questioned answered, two more questions asked. Did lots of thinking about God, religion, etc. Thought about how we are influenced by our upbringing about what we believe. Whether Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Mormon, Jew or Atheist....we are very much influenced by how our parents brought us up in that belief/surrounding. We don't (most of us) question what we believe at that point, some of us don't even question it now. We just assume that our parents are telling us that this is the truth and this is what you need to believe to be "a good person" in life or who/what you need to follow to get to heaven or the equivalent (depending on your faith or lack of). After all, surely our parents would not lie to us about something so important??? So as we grow up, we believe that our religion, or our God is "the one", and everyone elses belief system is wrong (probably even more so in the Christian faith because of the exclusivity of Christ - the only way). It is only recently for me, that I am questioning my faith to see if this is "for real", and not my daddy's faith. There is so much of what is in the Bible that requires faith. Not too much room for logic or reason if your thinking tends to take you along those lines. So many more questions that you once took for granted, but when you stop and think about them you wonder....do I really believe this stuff. Some of this stuff is pretty far fetched when you think about it (I guess this is where faith comes in). I remember watching an episode of All in the Family years ago and in one episode Archie Bunker describes faith as "...believing in something that nobody in his right mind would believe." Maybe I will look for a book and see how others answer these perplexing questions I have. Just wish I had done this (questioning of faith) when I was younger, but for the most part just glad to be doing it even now. Even at Bible College I was never challenged to think about what I believe, but to just have faith and God will show you. I am a realist and skeptic by nature, so that thinking just does not work for me, or, I suppose, it just makes it harder for me. Even in my experiences at church, I find I will listen (when I used to attend church) to what is being said, but never question what is being said or challenge it. I just assume the preacher is speaking and interpreting God's word to all who are there. I need to question these things.
Some of my latest "God Questions" (as I call them), are.....

Why create a people where at some point there is a possibility of hell at the end for some?

When I think of what I learned as a kid in Sunday School or in Bible College, I think there is a lot of really far fetched stuff to believe in, and I suppose not really much different than maybe some of the far fetched beliefs of other World Religions. I am not saying that I don't believe in what the Bible tells us, but am just saying there are lots of things that to me are really "off the wall". For instance, the virgin birth, the fact that God always was, the resurrection, heaven and hell, and the second coming.....just to name a few.

I have not abandoned the faith, just showing where I am struggling and questioning. I believe it is all part of all the other shit I am going through at this time. I wonder if my parents ever questioned what they believed, or did it just pass on down the line from their parents, etc etc etc......